There is no sane explanation for the things I’m compelled to Google. Sometimes I simply get caught up in a lark that must be pursued to its nonsensical end for the sake of drowning out all the spiteful poo-poo flinging of this vapid digital era.
Recently, I began to wonder, in a nostalgic sort of way, if the naughty acts of my youth would today be considered illegal, immoral, or otherwise depraved. This lead me to a digital inquiry of the legality of “mooning” others via the public display of one’s dairyaire or backside. It ends up, as is to be expected of our society, to be quite a complicated legal matter.
For one thing, each state in the U.S. has its own set of laws when it comes to acts of indecent exposure and what some would term “sexual misconduct.” While most states have allowed for exposing the bare breast (so that nursing mothers aren’t thrown in the slammer) some states are not crystal clear about the buttocks. Does the hairy backside qualify as genitalia? Cause if it does in your state, dangling that full moon out the window of a moving car could land you in the clink.
A former officer of the law on Quora.com suggested that the location of the “mooning” plays a significant part in the legality or non-legality of said act. While on the surface this hardly seems justifiable, I suppose it does make sense. He listed the example of a gentleman in Ireland receiving a four month suspended sentencing for mooning the Governor’s mansion in Senegal. This doesn’t really seem to address the legality as much as the likelihood of enforcing punishment. The lesson in this particular case would seem to be not to moon powerful individuals who have no sense of humor.
I suppose the above example would more accurately reflect the matter of WHO is being mooned rather than the question of WHERE the mooning takes place. Sure, dropping your drawers on the White House lawn is most likely a bad idea. But the underlying reason would seem to drawn a more direct connection to the WHO than the WHERE. This would also make sense based on my deeper dive into California’s indecent exposure laws. California states that indecent exposure must be based on the intent to sexually arouse, sexually insult, or offend.
This statute says nothing to the actual effects of being mooned. It speaks directly to the intent. So…I suppose that means as long as my intent is simply to say, “Hello there, buddy. Get a load of this!” then the act of “mooning” should be considered completely legal. It’s yesteryears version of a “rickroll,” or another way of saying, “made you look.”
Now, if you take offense at the displaying of someone’s posterior when no offense was intended, well, I suppose that might be a matter to take up with your psychiatrist…or at least to share on your Facebook feed.
A Maryland court best summed up the matter back in 2006 when it determined that indecent exposure relates only to exposure of the genitals (and that the buttocks should not be included). The court noted as a part of its decision that even if mooning is a "disgusting" and "demeaning" act, it is not illegal. "If exposure of half of the buttocks constituted indecent exposure," the court held, "any woman wearing a thong at the beach at Ocean City would be guilty."
And there you have it. Continue to sag your britches and wear your thongs in public without fear of legal retaliation. (Maybe just pull up your pants when in the audience of powerful schmucks without a sense of humor.)
At the Desk This Week
I guess I’m gonna be spending the next few months painting stuff. I can’t complain. I enjoy the work, but it means I won’t be spending a ton of time behind the desk. I’ve already found a nice used sprayer and a solid ladder. The guy selling the ladder wanted me to paint his house. I turned him down. At this point, I think I’m only gonna paint houses for old ladies I already know. That seems to be a reasonable method of keeping the work from overwhelming me.
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