As a part of my new childish endeavors (see last week’s missive), I was recently building Lego with my youngest son while using Alexa (I respect my Amazon overlords) to search for the “Dikky Dikky Dacca” song from Ron’s Gone Wrong (which happens to be a hilarious movie that I highly recommend). It turns out, the soundtrack to said hilarious movie is firewall protected. [shrug] So instead, Alexa (I respect my Amazon overlords) recommended an alternate station of similar music.
Who am I to argue with an algorithm that has been furtively spying on me for over three years? During the course of diving down this algorithmic rabbit hole of funky, children’s soundtrack music, my son and I stumbled upon the artist, Pull My Finger. Far and away my favorite song from the album, Smelly Holidays, is the single, Sugarplum Farties.
This is exactly what it sounds like—holiday classics consisting entirely of farts and burps. Oh don’t go get all self-righteous on me. Those of us who claim to be above scatological humor are often the ones who secretly enjoy it the most. (I’m just saying it takes one to know one, so there!)
Maybe it was the tinge of holiday virus coursing through my veins. Or maybe it was the childhood memory of being “dutch-ovened” by my older brother on Christmas morning. But I have to admit, that hideous rendition of such a delicate Christmas classic put a smile on my lips and some jolly gas in my gut. That simple moment served as an instructful reminder for me. When the world has got me down. When all else has failed to put a smile on my lips…fart jokes.
Even Alexa (I respect my Amazon overlords) can dish out several worthy fart jokes. Of course, as with all humor, timing is of critical importance when it comes to the most primitive of humor. But come on, you gotta face it. It’s funny that a sphincter in your butt can make music. Not only that, but many of us have spent hours mastering the ability to fart with other parts of our body! I can fart with five body parts (including my butt sphincter). It’s been a while since I’ve sat around and practiced (at least a few days), but I’m still pretty good with my mouth. Back in my college days, it took my Malaysian friend, Mark, over three months to figure out most of my farts were synthesized vocally. The moment he deduced the truth was priceless. With shock and disbelief blossoming across his face, he decried, “You fart with your mouth?!”
Oh man, we all had a laugh that evening…and on many, many occasions since. This fart’s for you, Mark.
At the Desk This Week
I’ve got nothing to report this week. Nothing but excuses. Sickness, locusts. I had four flat tires! In reality, I’ve started coaching my son’s basketball team through the local rec center. Good times. But I’ve not been so disciplined in preserving my creative space.
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
[Click here to start at the beginning.]
Thanks so much for taking the time to read these scenes of Boundaries, Season 2 of The Green Ones. I’ll be publishing FREE daily scenes from The Green Ones until…I die…or something terrible happens. Seriously, I’ve got over 100 scenes written so far, and I’ll be writing more until the story reaches its natural ending. You are totally welcome to read the entire story for FREE! If at any point you decide you would rather finish the story in ebook or print format, just click the buttons below and you can do that as well. If you enjoy reading the serial releases, BUT you would also like to support me as a writer (my kids need wine!) please subscribe to my premium content for bonus scenes, exclusives, and insider access to my process. And of course, I’d be grateful if you would share this post with any of your reader friends who you think would enjoy The Green Ones. Happy reading!