It’s a cliche at this point. But it’s a cliche for a reason.
I left on vacation last week, and when I got home my basement was flooded. And the sad thing is, I absolutely know I’m not the only person this happened to last week. Let’s do a little mini version of Family Feud to get to the bottom of this “would be comical if not for being a huge pain in the ass” occurrence.
Dear reader, it’s so nice to meet you. Now give us a reason the basement floods while you are away on vacation. Ah, you say, “torrential rainstorm.” Okay, let’s take a look. Survey says! (or today’s version would be “Show me…”) torrential rainstorm!
Ding, ding, ding. Number four on the list. It’s there, but barely. You can do better.
Our next reader says a reason for the basement to flood while you are on vacation is, “a burst washer hose.” Ah, now I feel your pain. Show me…a burst washer hose!
Ding, ding, ding. Number one result! I’ve had this one happen to me in the past, at a campus house rental…during spring break. The small window during which all four residents were gone. The burst hose flooded the basement for four days before I found it. Good times. But let’s get on with the game!
How about you, dear reader? What is your answer? A reason the basement floods while you are away on vacation? You say what? God’s a smart ass? That’s your final answer? Oh-kay. Show me…God’s a smart ass!
Bzzzzzt. Sorry. While the divine certainly has a strange sense of humor, “Act of God” is hardly an adequate cause for catastrophic basement flooding during annual abatement of work routine.
What say you, next reader? A reason the basement floods while you are away on vacation? I see. Frozen pipes, you say? Clearly you’re writing in from one of our less temperate climes. (And you could be a snow sports enthusiast.) Show me…frozen pipes!
Ding, ding, ding. The second most common result. Pretty good. This one hasn’t personally happened to me, but during my Texas days it was a pretty common nightly routine to ensure faucets were dripping and portable heaters were staged to prevent just such a frozen pipe conundrum. I was in my mid-twenties before I discovered water had more diverse uses than flushing away human waste products and keeping pipes from freezing. It wasn’t until my thirties that a midwife suggested I drink the stuff. Wow, that was a life changing event, but I digress.
One last guess, dear reader. A reason the basement floods while you are away on vacation? You say, irrigation water. Can you be a bit more specific? Ah, city irrigation water being turned on. Okay. Show me…city irrigation water being turned on!
Ding, ding, ding. You nailed it. And that was the one that nailed my basement last week. Really, I have no one to blame but myself. Yes, I hired someone else to blow out my sprinklers last fall. Yes, they removed a timer valve I had connected to a spigot near the side of my house…that had never been removed in years past. But I knew it was likely the city would turn on the irrigation while we were away. I easily could have gone around the property and checked the valves to ensure they were closed. But I didn’t. To make matters worse, it rained while we were gone for four days straight. Something that almost never happens in Idaho. As a result, my neighbor on that side of the house didn’t think anything about his yard being wet.
It wasn’t until the encroaching flood water reached the base of the stairs, where our other neighbor noticed it while feeding our bunnies, that the matter was ferreted out. One valve, left partly open, for the better part of five days. Ahhh, crap. The basement I just finished in November, after working on it for over a decade. Just when I thought I could sit back and appreciate the fruits of my labor. I’m inflicted by destructive bunnies and the laws of nature and physics. All of them colluding against my carpet.
Oh well. I guess I should have taken all of those “end of the world” proclamations during the eclipse more seriously. Perhaps God is a bit of a smart ass after all.
From the Desk of DMB
It’s been a long while since I’ve added this little section to my emails. The reason has been I’ve not been working on any writing projects for the last couple years. I’m stoked to announce, that has changed! I’ve restructured my life circumstances to once again include some weekly writing time. For my first project back, I’ve chosen a magical realism story I’ve been thinking about for quite some time. Magical realism? (I hear that eyebrow raise.) Simply put, magical realism is a style or genre of fiction and art that presents a realistic view of the world while incorporating magical elements. So, the supernatural can be seen poking and prodding around the edges of the natural world. But overall, the story resides comfortably within the world we all think we know and think we understand. But do we? Do we really?
In this case, I’m interested in playing around with the “invisible real.” What sorts of things actually exist, but most of us have little to no experience of them? Is it possible for some people to experience these things quite vividly while others adamantly insist they “aren’t real”? Is there a unifying explanation for the “invisible real?”
Well, more on that next time, I suppose. I’ll keep you updated as I progress. I’m hoping to have the book finished this calendar year.
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