DMB Digest: How church keys became the churchkey
ie. What I think about during Thanksgiving meal.
I have this thing for etymology. Not entomology. Those creepy crawlers can keep to themselves. But the origin of words and expressions can be downright entertaining. I’ve no clue how hilarious word origins are in Chinese or Arabic, but English is better than any standup routine.
Well, that’s probably only true for weirdos like me. I might have mentioned before how the expression “to blow smoke up one’s ass” came into existence (hint: it was a physical reality). I think I’ve spoken before on acceptable potty-mouthed metrics around my household being limited to actual words like “buttload” (a description of the amount of cargo that could be carried in the butt of a frigate).
These are gems at dinner parties (you’re welcome). This past week I got drawn into the origin of the word “churchkey.” Some of you may not be familiar with the term, but I’m positive you’ve seen the utility it refers to. A churchkey is the most basic form of can opener found in every kitchen. Technically, the churchkey refers to the curved and pointy end used to punch holes in cans of sweetened condensed milk or motor oil (back before plastic bottles).
But how in the world did this little tool become known as a churchkey? The best I can tell, the word has a sordid and twisted history (the best kind) that hinges around the fact that early versions of the churchkey looked similar to the oversized keys worn around the necks of priests and/or monks. Where this gets interesting is the connection between what the monks’ keys were used for and what the early can openers were commonly used for.
The combo tool (as it evolved) was commonly associated with beer and booze for its ability to punch holes in beer cans, to pry out corks, and pop tops. Meanwhile, actual church keys were often used to access the monks’ brewery and some of the best kept brewing secrets of human history.
Was the monk’s key possibly jury-rigged for opening jugs before the tool that mimicked its utility even came into existence? Before prohibition altered the American relationship with booze, was the pastor the keeper of the liquid courage? Was the church potluck the place where the best booze was brought forth from the Lord’s cellar?
I like to think so. We all know the first (and best) miracle of Jesus the Christ was turning water into the finest wine anyone had ever tasted.
Hmmm, now I’m curious about the expression “jury-rigged.”
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
[Click here to start at the beginning.]
Thanks so much for taking the time to read these scenes of Boundaries, Season 2 of The Green Ones. I’ll be publishing FREE daily scenes from The Green Ones until…I die…or something terrible happens. Seriously, I’ve got over 100 scenes written so far, and I’ll be writing more until the story reaches its natural ending. You are totally welcome to read the entire story for FREE! If at any point you decide you would rather finish the story in ebook or print format, just click the buttons below and you can do that as well. If you enjoy reading the serial releases, BUT you would also like to support me as a writer (my kids need wine!) please subscribe to my premium content for bonus scenes, exclusives, and insider access to my process. And of course, I’d be grateful if you would share this post with any of your reader friends who you think would enjoy The Green Ones. Happy reading!