DMB Digest: I'll fix you good.
The complicated (and dumb) potential of the word, "fix."
Welcome to another exclamatory etymological episode by DMB! You can tell I’m typing loudly by my inappropriate usage of exclamation points!!!
I apologize. It’s just that I’ve been reading a non-fiction book all week in which the author uses exclamation points at least 2-3 times a page. The effect is wearing on me. That aside, the ridiculous usage of the word “fix” rose to my attention this week during a conversation around the Brown family dinner table.
I believe the episode began when I muttered a vengeful sentiment about fixing someone else’s wagon. That led to my youngest son questioning the meaning of such a nonsensical expression. That innocent inquiry escalated when the wife dismissing the whole thing as another of my many babbling fictional constructs.
Of course this insult required me to honorably defend myself by proving I did not invent the expression to fix one’s wagon. (Obviously it is a well known and contemporary threat used commonly on American streets.) This entire argument led to a quick “googling” of the etymology of the phrase “to fix one’s wagon.” That in turn has led to this post.
It turns out usage of the word “fix” is as confusing as all get out (whatever that means). To a non-native English speaker or a simpleton, the initial response to someone’s threat to fix you good might be something like, “Thank you, friend.” There is no doubt one of the common meanings of the word “fix” is to mend or repair. By this logic, offering to fix a stranger’s broken down wagon is indeed a noble endeavor that deserves much gratitude. I mean, a broken down wagon can be a death sentence!!! (only one step away from cannibalism for goodness sake!!!!!!).
Ah, but not so fast. To fix something can also mean to break it. (That’s not confusing at all!) Or to be more precise, to fix can mean to:
influence the outcome of (something, especially a race, contest, or election) by illegal or underhanded means.
Or to fix can mean:
put (an enemy or rival) out of action, especially by killing them.
Okey dokey. In that case, I suppose offering to fix someone’s wagon might be an act of selflessness…or it could be a threat of homicide. Specifically, in the case of wagons, the threat to “fix your wagon” probably refers to putting sand in the axle (which was apparently a common method of wagon sabotage back in the day. Now that you know how to get back at your Amish neighbor, don’t do it!!!).
But hold on, that’s not all!!! My offer to fix you good could also be a reference to my recent neighborhood-narcotic-start-up. As in, “I’ll hook you up with your next fix.” Or, perhaps I’m offering to focus you on the inevitable squirrel uprising in your own backyard. “Fix your attention on the mastermind squirrel sitting on your bird feeder!!!”
If those seem unlikely, consider this: My intent is to fasten you into place before the menacing winds of an incoming hurricane buffet you. (Never mind that I live in Idaho…) Or even more heroic on my part, my intent is to bolster your wavering indecision about whether to fight back against those pesky squirrels.
Then again, what if I’ve arranged a meet up between you and my second cousin? Or I’ve prepared you an ice-cold Arnold Palmer?
Not to make the matter even more awkward, but what if I’m threatening to spay or neuter you? Or maybe you’ve gotten yourself into an awkward situation and my intent is once again noble in my determination to get you out.
But wait until I get going!!! What if I’ve abbreviated my intention from the longer form, “I’m fixing to fix you good”? In that case, I might be intending or planning to do any of the things I’ve previously mentioned at some point down the road! But you’ll never anticipate when! Mwahahaha!!!!!!
As you can plainly see, to fix someone is a clear and concise expression that couldn’t possibly lead to misunderstanding, confusion, or embarrassment. And it’s a shining example of the superiority of the English language in every way. Now that that is fixed, upward and onward to my next fix! The overuse of exclamation points!!!!!!
From the Desk of DMB
I’m getting there. This week I put down another good scene between my protag and his mentor. It felt too obvious as I was writing it. Like I had revealed too much and repeated it too often. But one thing I’ve learned through my efforts is that character realities are NEVER as obvious to the reader as they are to the writer. And my job is to repeat things about five times more often than I think I should. So hopefully that means I’m shooting par for the course thus far. The pace is picking up. Another couple of weeks and I should be arriving at the climactic rise and fall!
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