DMB Digest: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells...
What line comes next reveals something important about you.
Perhaps there is no better method of detecting your era and region of origin than how you finish this childhood lyric: “Jingle bells, Batman smells…”
Most of you are reciting the next lines in your brain at this very moment. If you grew up in the ole US of A, the next line is “Robin laid an egg.” In Australia and/or parts of the UK, the same line might be “Robin flew away.” (Some of you Australians would then follow that up with “Santa Clause got a .44 and shot him in the head.” (Sheesh, I thought Americans were into gun violence.)
There is a theory that “The Simpsons” episode featuring Robert Goulet is responsible for the “Robin laid an egg” version. So perhaps those of us with quality taste also grew up with the egg version.
In Sweden, apparently, young children would go on to sing about painting naughty parts of a bear’s anatomy green. I’m not saying this is wrong…I simply am not culturally tuned with my Nordic brothers and sisters. In parts of the UK the next line might be something about uncle Billy losing his willy on the motorway. In my opinion, that seems like a very unlikely localization for an injury due to motor accident…unless perhaps a standard transmission with a stick shift was involved?
Exclusive to North America is the version that goes on to say, “Robin laid an egg, the Joker did ballet.” I’m not sure what this speaks to. Perhaps we North Americans are really into the Nutcracker? Too much Swan Lake? Perhaps too many little boys in the US were forced to participate in dance during sixth grade Physical Education class? But refused and were sent to the principal’s office where they spent the entirety of class scowling while the teachers secretly cracked up about it in the backroom? (Not that this happened to me or anything…)
Some versions go onto to incorporate Kojak or Bombay depending on the region of origin. No matter where you are in the world, people are losing their pants, body parts, their dignity, or their life. That much we can universally agree on.
The weirdest of all is that if you are my youngest son or any one of a number of little kids growing up in the Pacific Northwestern United States these days, then you know the rhyme as “Robin laid a gun, shot a tree and made it pee in 1981.” I mean, I don’t even have words for how weird this is. First, how do you lay a gun? Second, every kid who has actually shot a tree knows it doesn’t pee as a result. I suppose the imagination is to see sap pouring fourth like urination? Lastly, why 1981? Other than the fact that I was seven years old, I see no real significance for today’s youth. I suppose to them, it might as well by 1492 or 1876. It’s like over forty years ago!
And on that note, Merry Christmas to all y’all out there, no matter what part of the world you hail from. And take a moment today to recite your personal rendition of the old classic, “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells.”
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