DMB Digest: Temporary Interdiction of Irony
A How-To on Weaponizing Irony with Sarcasm
You can’t make stuff like this up. Reality has gone so utterly bonkers lately, I seriously despair for stand up comedy. On the other hand, perhaps satire has never been easier. I’ve been tracking the news mostly via The Onion lately, and I have to admit, I find it a pretty accurate and reliable source. Which should be disturbing now that I think of it…but meh.
I’ve never enjoyed so much irony as a constant and steady part of my daily information diet. Later today, I’m planning on sketching up a proposal for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers to don white battle armor with black movable joints…and sorta triangular eye visors built into the helmet with little breather filters below…hmmm, now that I think of it, George Lucas might have a thing or two to say about my design. Eh, maybe no one will notice the similarities.
Oh, did you know the word, “irony” can also refer to “of or like iron?” So the next time someone suggests you don’t understand the definition of irony, you can respond with, “You mean characteristic of or like iron? Not only do I know the definition of irony, I am the definition of irony. Of that you can be sure.”
While this response isn’t ironic, it is somewhat sarcastic, and sarcasm is often forced to double as irony during times when irony lands so close to home that it loses all intended effect. The last few months have qualified as one of those seasons, in my humble opinion. Thus I’ve personally dubbed sarcasm as an acceptable stand in for irony until the topsy turvy reality we inhabit is able to find a new equilibrium. If it helps, you can think of sarcasm as weaponized irony. Sarcasm is like taping a jagged piece of irony on the end of a stick and smacking people with it.
During less crazy days, irony can simply be placed on the coffee table as a clever bit of discussion material. You can clip it to a carabiner and attach it to your backpack if you like. But every so often as a society we enter a stage when the ironic bric-a-brac (or gewgaw if you like) we carry about becomes so confusing and difficult to grok that its very presence generates migraines of hatred and confusion of those around us. Rather than risk the homicidal fury of our friends and neighbors during these difficult and trying times, I suggest we clarify all irony items by wielding them at the end of a long sarcasm stick.
With the assistance of the sarcasm stick, the intent of irony can be adequately clarified so that only the appropriate tribes of individuals are murderously outraged, thus avoiding avoidable cases of friendly castigation and needless social erasure. And during those extra tense times when you suspect your sarcasm has gone undernoted, simply end your statement with an overly loud pronouncement of, “like, whatever!” followed with an exasperated guffaw and an emphatic double-wink. This should thoroughly discombobulate anyone listening long enough for you to take your jagged-irony-on-a-stick and go home.
Hopefully these actions will be enough to preserve the fragile tendrils of our society during these trying times. Peace.
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