DMB Digest: The Awesome Destructive Power of Kids
If only we could harness this renewable energy source.
I’ve looked into the heart of chaos and survived. I’ve crossed the event horizon of Preteenia…and returned. With massive time and energy investment, it can be done. But this type of parental exploration is not for the weak of stomach or fragile of mind. Psychologically, the time adrift in the void between cute toddlers and rebellious teens can leave you stripped of resources and curiously drained of energy.
Being the slave of truth that I am, it was my responsibility to go where no reasonable parent has gone before and return with the scientific discoveries that will fuel parenting of preteens for decades to come. The central inquiry I sought to discover? What is the source of the Preteen’s unquenchable destructive power?
The secret lies somewhere deep within the frenetic kinesthesia displayed throughout the preteen’s evolving, pubescent body. Somehow, they have the ability to convert simple sugars and carbohydrates (ie. candy and chips) into constant motion at such a rapid pace it’s undetectable to the adult eye.
The evidence of this rapid, constant motion can be seen in the increased rate of deterioration of any item the preteen routinely comes into contact with. I mean, for the love of luke, even my kids’ toilet seat has worn 10x compared to the one in the master bathroom. I used an office chair for three years without it showing a single sign of aging. My son used the same chair for three months of virtual schooling, and now it looks as if raccoons have been using it for office chair races up and down the block in an effort to gain superiority over those pesky squirrels once and for all.
It’s as if their little, preteen butts emit UV radiation while every pore leaks radioactivity nonstop. Perhaps their toxic, chemical imbalance is due more to the ungodly combination of Doritos and Nerds than it is to hormones. The specific facts behind this remain undocumented, but the destructive evidence is overwhelming. From the sagging of the living room couch to the stench of the car’s cloth interior, there is no escaping it. While these sweet, pubescent monsters appear docile on their devices, they are in actuality emitting some sort of ionizing radiation that specifically targets serenity and converts it to chaotic energy.
If this energy could be harnessed, it would surpass all carbon-based energy several times over, and the Earth would suddenly enjoy an epoch of peace previously unknown. Alas, my exploratory efforts have fallen short of such a solution. In the end, I count myself fortunate to have survived the first child’s preteen evolution. There’s barely time to catch my breath before the next. May God have mercy.
At the Desk This Week
Oh yeah. This week I experienced a moment of truly being back in the writing saddle. For the first time in a few years, I slipped out of the flow of time and poured pure nail-biting action onto the page. For the past year, I’ve been creating good stuff…but it’s been a grind. I know how to force my will on the words and eventually make them say what they need to. But this is highly inefficient. When I’m able to blank out cognitively and wake up to a screen full of wonderous fiction that I somehow created, it’s a glorious thing. Man, it can save hours of laborious effort. To stay in this place, I’m gonna have to make sure I keep writing regularly and keep living with these characters in the background of my brain even when I’m not actively writing.
All that to say I’m just about done with episode 5 of season 3 of The Green Ones. Episode 6 will finish out season 3. Then it will be time to power into a new project, while also getting The Green Ones edited, etc. Amazon announced a VERY interesting new platform last week in Kindle Vella. Vella is to be Amazon’s second attempt at serial fiction. And…since I am a serial fiction author, this is a HUGE thing for me. Until now, serial fiction has been growing mostly in Asia. Radish (a serial fiction app) has made a way for erotica and romance to be serial in the US. Wattpad has been popularizing serial, streaming fiction for years, but I’ve never been able to make money through Wattpad. My next project will for sure be made for Kindle Vella. It might amount to a bunch of rainbow-colored fart gas, but I’m hopeful it will be a path for the mainstreaming of serial fiction in the Western Hemisphere.
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
[Click here to start at the beginning.]
Thanks so much for taking the time to read these scenes of Boundaries, Season 2 of The Green Ones. I’ll be publishing FREE daily scenes from The Green Ones until…I die…or something terrible happens. Seriously, I’ve got over 100 scenes written so far, and I’ll be writing more until the story reaches its natural ending. You are totally welcome to read the entire story for FREE! If at any point you decide you would rather finish the story in ebook or print format, just click the buttons below and you can do that as well. If you enjoy reading the serial releases, BUT you would also like to support me as a writer (my kids need wine!) please subscribe to my premium content for bonus scenes, exclusives, and insider access to my process. And of course, I’d be grateful if you would share this post with any of your reader friends who you think would enjoy The Green Ones. Happy reading!