DMB Digest: Top 10 Stupid Things I Survived, #8
Fishing with Fire Ants, Water Moccasins, and Tarantulas
[Follow these links to catch up with the #10 stupid thing and #9 stupid thing I survived growing up in Texas.] Ahhh, nothing beats fishing away a late summer day at your own private, secluded fishing hole full of 1-3 pound large-mouth bass. So peaceful. So relaxing. Nothing to get in between me and the thrill of antagonizing an otherwise lazy bass into striking my Strike King Pro Series 1 Crankbait (a yellow/green mid-level diver).
Well, nothing except the fairly regular disruption of angry water moccasins swimming directly at me from across the pond. Meh, it’s easy enough to dispatch (or temporarily scare away) any and all cottonmouths with the trusty .22 caliber pistol on my belt. (For some strange reason, firing small arms into the pond never seems to negatively impact the fishing.)
That only leaves the minions of fire ants swimming on the surface of the pond (yes, fire ants can and do swim) and swarming around the banks. But seriously, fire ants are a mild nuisance at worst. Their sting is hardly noticeable, and all they leave behind is a tiny pustule (or, you know, dozens of them). It’s not like they’re eating my precious eye-goo or climbing around on other sensitive mucous membranes. It would be downright irresponsible for me to permit that. By occasionally shifting my fishing spot on the bank and regularly knocking the ants off of my clothing, I’m able to one-hundred percent enjoy my relaxing time of fishing…until…
It’s time to go home. Actually, it’s about ten minutes past the time that I should have packed up my tackle box and headed for the car (my sky-blue, 1984 240 model Volvo parked roughly one-hundred yards away because that’s as close as I can get it without sticking it in the mud). I permitted myself “one last cast” a few too many times, and it’s rapidly getting dark. My pulse rate climbs a bit as I toss all my tackle in my box, clamp it shut, and start timidly toward the car.
Venomous snakes and fire ants are one thing. Now I have to deal with jack-in-the-box style “sproing” of hidden tarantulas lurking in the tall grass on either side of the primitive trail that I’ve beat down over the years. As we all know, fears are often not rational. Looking back now, I probably should have been a bit more concerned about the venomous snakes that could have incapacitated me at worst or at least left me in need of urgent medical attention. But it was the tarantulas that freaked me out the most (despite the fact that I knew then and know now that you have to try pretty dang hard to get bit by a tarantula).
It only takes a few strides before the first tarantula springs out from under my foot and three feet into the air. I jump several inches backward, catch my breath, and mutter an unholy swear. The cycle repeats every several steps I take toward the car: a tarantula springs out of my way, I spring back and curse. Finally, I reach my car and carefully ensure none of the wretched, leaping spiders find their way into my car along with me.
Ahhh, another peaceful summer afternoon spent fishing. And on my way home, I get the satisfaction of squishing a few dozen tarantulas on the warm surface of the pothole-riddled blacktop road.
At the Desk This Week
I took the family on a road trip this week to visit the inlaws. The best thing about driving cross-country is all the time I get to spend dancing around in my unfettered imagination. It always leads to good things, and this time was no exception. I landed on a few critical fixes I need to make to the episode of The Green Ones I’m working on currently. Plus, I was able to map out the motivations and events involved in the upcoming multiverse war that I’ll pave the way for at the end of this episode.
My pace of life over the last few years has made it difficult for me to prioritize a multi-hour period of imagination and mind-mapping, but this really is something that I need to build into my weekly schedule if I’m going to genuinely commit to fiction writing again. The stories turn out so much better when I’m taking the time to push myself and my characters via mental “what-ifs” before I sit down to write.
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
[Click here to start at the beginning.]
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