For most of my life, I’ve been a bit of a control freak. Despite growing up on a ranch (and possibly because), I’ve never been fond of horses. When it comes to a work tool, horses are too independent for my liking. A horse has a mind of its own. An ATV simply does what I tell it too. Of course, an ATV will drive straight into a ditch if I’m not paying attention…while a horse will pretty strongly object to such mindless nonsense.
During high school, a large part of my good behavior was due simply to my desire to remain in control. I drove a Volvo 240 DL with a reasonable serving of caution (for a teenager) because I didn’t want to lose control of the vehicle. I refused to drink or do drugs because I witnessed first hand the stupid actions of those who did. (The only time I could win a bout of Mortal Combat was after my friends had too much to drink).
I’d like to say I was a good kid, but I think it would be safer to say I was deliberate and calculated. I was downright stodgy. I think it’s more typical for people’s plodding and predictable natures to increase with age while risk-taking and adventure decrease. I’m fighting against this. Hell, I started life acting like an eighty-year-old. (My mother likes to tell the story of my interaction, at the age of five, with a kind older lady in the grocery checkout line; she attempted to create a playful interaction that resulted in me turning toward my mother and pronouncing loudly, “I hate that fat lady.”) Increasing my crotchetiness into my actual fifties could result in some sort of rift in the time-space continuum.
Instead, the last twenty years have increasingly taught me to let go of my illusion of control. That’s all it ever was—smoke. I’ve come to realize one of the main grievances and causes for anxiety in life is the empty striving to control things that were never within our control (and never will be) in the first place.
Despite my best efforts to drive safely, I easily could have crashed into a dump truck, suffered brain damage, and learned to cope with lifelong seizures. My genetic makeup could have surprised me (and still could) with any variety of incurable conditions. The weather can change without warning and without asking my permission. My intellect was never anything of my doing.
So much of what I accomplish on a day to day basis is subject to events completely out of my control. Will my kids school be forced to go online due to all the teachers being sick at once (again)? Will a big branch from my neighbor’s tree break off and crush part of my house? Will supply line breakdowns and drought lead to me no longer being able to put Sriracha on my eggs? Will crapped out public infrastructure lead to me no longer having access to clean water?
I can hear some of you objecting. Demand your neighbor trim his tree! Stock up on hot sauce in advance. Enroll you children in a school that prohibits sickness in teachers. Elect competent local leaders. Take vitamin supplements. Do yoga. Catch a unicorn and drink its blood. Yada, yada, ya. That’s control freak speak. It takes one to know one. And let me tell you, it’s all a mirage. I’m not saying I’ve decided to be an idiot that walks around licking shopping cart handles and chewing old wads of gum found under public bus seats. I still believe in things like washing hands and wearing masks as acceptable means of lowering the risk of disease transmission. But illness still happens. Cancer happens.
I’m not saying life is totally out of control. It’s just not within my control. And I’m finally okay with that…for the most part. On certain days. When I don’t overthink it. Meh, I’m learning anyway.
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
[Click here to start at the beginning.]
Thanks so much for taking the time to read these scenes of Boundaries, Season 2 of The Green Ones. I’ll be publishing FREE daily scenes from The Green Ones until…I die…or something terrible happens. Seriously, I’ve got over 100 scenes written so far, and I’ll be writing more until the story reaches its natural ending. You are totally welcome to read the entire story for FREE! If at any point you decide you would rather finish the story in ebook or print format, just click the buttons below and you can do that as well. If you enjoy reading the serial releases, BUT you would also like to support me as a writer (my kids need wine!) please subscribe to my premium content for bonus scenes, exclusives, and insider access to my process. And of course, I’d be grateful if you would share this post with any of your reader friends who you think would enjoy The Green Ones. Happy reading!