Some call it tickle monster. Some call it daddy monster. Somebody out there probably calls it grabbity groo. In my household, it goes by blanket monster. The point is that some daddy games are universal. And there is good reason for that. Dads are universally tired and cunning. Combine that cunning tiredness with the energy gap generated by inexhaustible kids and you get a predictable cluster of daddy games.
Granted, some first time dads (or dads who got into the fatherhood business nearer their prime than I did), will branch off into brazen games that involve tossing kids over their shoulder, lugging them around, swinging them by their feet, and other wholly responsible dad-sasters. But even those slapdash fathers maintain a trusty category of dad games that fall into the blanket monster category.
The most universal of these games is without a doubt “lumpy pillow.” Said game goes something like this: dad lays or sits on kid, kid giggles and/or wiggles, dad says “this pillow sure is lumpy” and tries to fluff the pillow, kid tries hard to not reveal their human status or blurts out, “I’m not a pillow!” Dad responds by saying, “Hey, pillows can’t talk!”
This is classic for so many obvious reasons. First and foremost is that it can be played while sitting or lying down. No heavy lifting. No running. No loud noises or flashing lights. And for affection-skittish fathers, this qualifies as snuggling without requiring either the child or the parent to say the word, “snuggle.” Brilliant.
After “lumpy pillow” I think some version of blanket monster probably comes in second. While a bit more active, blanket monster allows for periods of brief hibernation while the dad lies in wait beneath a favorite blanket. A lucky dad might even snag a few winks here and there while playing blanket monster. Of course the payoff moment for blanket monster results in tickle assaults after gobbling up any kid that dares get too close to the sleeping blanket monster.
What makes blanket monster the preferred choice for tickle assaults is two-fold. First, it’s on the ground (requires carpet). This is by far the lowest energy method of delivering a tickle assault. Second, by crawling around on hands and knees and snatching kids by their ankles, dads can reduce the risk of unintentional violent contact with the family jewels. When both feet are planted on the ground and both arms are engaged in the tickle assault, risk to the nuts is at its highest. And nothing ends daddy game time for everyone faster than a flailing foot or elbow to the nuts. (To this day, I remember chopping my dad good while playing airplane.)
God bless all those dads who went above and beyond the obligatory “get me a beer from the fridge” game and as a result took a flogging to the nut sack. It could always be worse. One of my buddies took a chop to the eye that cut his retina and required a few days in bed while wearing an eyepatch. At least he got a good nap out of it.
Anywho, now the rest of you non-dads know why so many daddy games look so similar. It’s not that we recycle our favorites from childhood. (Most of the games we played when I was a kid are illegal now…or have been mercifully forgotten from the annuls of time). Nope. It’s more a matter of what works and what energy will allow us to repeat ad nauseam. Any of you future dads out there, take note.
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