When was the first time you remember being different than everyone else? Not physically, but psychologically? That you quintessentially see the world differently than others do? Sometimes this ends up being a good thing. Sometimes not so much. I remember as a fifteen year old having the thought, “I wonder what it is like to be stupid? Like everyone else.”
Not my best moment, but telling none the less.
I have a friend that swears she was never bullied growing up. When you ask her siblings, they roll their eyes and shake their heads. It turns out, she was bullied like everyone else, only she never perceived the bullying activity of bullies as being bullied. To her, everyone was a friend, and friends were only capable of being friendly. Some friends simply had different means of being friendly than others. Figure out the person’s means of friendliness and you’ve made another friend. To her, there simply was no such thing as bullies.
But here is the thing. When you perceive the world a certain way, how can you possibly know that’s not the way everyone else perceives the world? How do you first discover your mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s?
Maybe it was the first time a friend told you they couldn’t stand something you loved. “Bleck, little kids are so annoying. How can you stand babysitting so much?” That sort of thing. We probably all have several of these mid-level oddities or affinities we’ve picked up on over the years. You love sardines. Most people do not. You find Jar Jar Binks hilarious. Most people do not. You understand the humor of middle-schoolers. Most people do not. Those last two may be related.
But what about those truly impactful perspectives that change the way we interact with the world around us? I’ve come to recognize a few of these “high-level” oddities about myself over the last several years. These are things I thought were simply true for most people…until I finally accepted they were not.
Most people are capable of seeing things from someone else’s perspective, even if they don’t choose to. Most people can balance the truth against lies and decipher one easily from the other, even if they choose not to. Most people are capable of blending the best parts of diverging concepts, cultures, and/or structures to find a healthy balance. Most people can balance opposing ideas finding the truth and beauty from each, if they make the effort.
I no longer believe these things to be the case. Ultimately it came down to one of two things being true: either most people were capable of these things but they intentionally made the choice to suck. Or, I simply saw the world differently than most everyone else.
Believing the latter means I can believe other people don’t neccessarily suck. (They might still suck for other reasons, but they don’t automatically suck for seeing the world differently than I do.) Seeing the world this way also means I have an opportunity and a responsibility. I have something to offer others they don’t naturally have themselves. Naturally, this means others should have something to offer me I don’t naturally have myself (assuming the other person has identified what they have to offer and doesn’t suck so much they choose to use it against me).
Do you see how this simple shift in my perception can make it possible for me to release my anger and hatred? Sure, I suppose with enough intentionality, anyone can learn to see the big picture. Anyone can force themselves to be empathetic. Anyone can discipline themselves to see past bigotry and remove cultural lenses with enough pain and suffering and selflessness. But it is not reasonable to assume everyone has equal access to the time, resources, and energy these things require. And for some the expanse is greater than others. For some the trauma is more extensive than others. None of us have lived the same life as another. Not everyone has the luxury to sit for hours at a computer terminal and think of such things.
I see the world differently than everyone else. What from my point of view is most true and most beautiful? What bits of ultimate reality do I see more starkly? More resolutely? More readily? Rather than hating the people that crap on these truths and fustigate this beauty, how can I go about sharing my small bit of unique knowledge with those who have the desire and the aptitude to glimpse it if I shine just the right light on it from just the right perspective?
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Deep thoughts, man, deep thoughts. As a teen, I remember thinking (and being told) that I had insights beyond my years, that I saw things others didn't. But now, decades later, even my supposedly insightful teen perspective pales in comparison to the perspective you gain over time and with life experience. Great point, though -- not everyone's life experience lends itself naturally to producing a more mature, grace-filled, kind perspective. Sometimes, whether through hard circumstances or lack of exposure to certain ideas, people are just stuck in a closed loop.
Recently I've found a few areas of my life where I was in a loop like that without recognizing it. It hasn't been fun stepping outside of that loop and learning to fly straighter. But it *has* been worth it, and I expect the continued effort is worth it, too. Glad you're out here sharing your perspective. The world is richer for it! (And the sprinkles of humor really brighten my life.)