I have a couch in my front yard. Not a fancy aluminum-framed, patio couch mind you. Just the old, brown couch that has spent the last fifteen years in our living room. Now it’s in the front yard. The wife thinks this makes us bad neighbors. I think it makes us approachable.
Let’s say you’re out walking the dog after a long day at work (or video conferencing). What could be better than a way-station couch for taking a load off while your furry friend takes a dump in my yard? (You’re gonna pick that up, right?)
Those of you living in more temperate climates should be aware that I’m in Idaho. It has rained once in the last 100 days. So…it probably won’t rain again until five hours from now, just to prove a point. That being said, it’s gonna take several months before we have to worry about a family of raccoons moving in. And everyone loves raccoons, right? Nature’s little jesters.
After the wife first brought up the matter (within hours of me “taking care of the old couch”), I took a short walk through the neighborhood to satisfy my academic curiosity. It turns out we have three other yard couches within two blocks. I can’t say I’ve ever considered those neighbors to be rude jerks. Granted, two of the three have gone through considerable effort to create a cute, little outdoor seating area on a porch or beneath a large tree. All I did was set the couch on the sidewalk. To be honest, I thought the couch would have walked away by now.
I once yanked out a couple of metal posts used as a clothesline. These were pretty big iron pipes with heavy gage wires running between them, so I hauled them to the front curb one at a time. Before I could walk to the backyard to fetch the second pipe, someone started to drag the first one away. The only problem was that the second pipe was still attached to the first. As it trenched its way across the backyard, I ran to the front waving my arms. I barely got the car (already pulling away) stopped before the still-attached pipe slammed into the back of my brick bungalow. Some dude driving an old caddie had pulled over and slung the first pipe into the open trunk and started pulling away. A tad bit embarrassed, he allowed me to help him load the second pipe before bidding him farewell.
I’ve put an old vacuum on the front curb and watched it disappear within the hour. We set an old, decrepit dining room table on the curb last week before going to get gas. By the time we got back, it was gone. I can’t remember the last time I took anything to the dump. Now I’m not sure what to do with this old couch. Do I have to find a matching living room set to put in my yard along with it, just to avoid being rude? Maybe I could place a cooler full of soda and beer beside it? Surely, that’s bettering the neighborhood. Hmmm, except for the fact I’m positive the cooler would walk, leaving me right back where I started.
Anyone have any ideas of what to make from on old couch? I really don’t want to barrow somebody’s truck and figure out where the dump is. I’m too lazy for that. Just thinking about all this is exhausting. I need a nap on my front-yard couch.
At the Desk This Week
I’m almost done with season three of The Green Ones. I had a ton of fun writing the big climactic ending scene this week. Now I just have a bit of falling action, resolution to tidy up a few dangling threads and appropriately lead into the next season. Hopefully that won’t take more than a couple weeks. Then it will be time to start back at the beginning and run through the whole thing one more time (for the 3rd or 4th time). Then it should be ready for a copy edit. I’m getting there!
If You Wish to Start Reading The Green Ones…
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