DMB Digest: You're Just That Good
It ain't easy for everyone else.
Most of us have had the experience. You know what I’m talking about. You’re making polite chit chat with someone, discussing a job, a skill, a hobby, etc. The other person responds with a degree of incredulity that sounds something like, “Oh, I could never do that.” Or perhaps it comes across as more of a, “God bless you for being willing to do that.” Your immediate response is, “It’s easy. It’s nothing at all.” You’re slightly confused over their level of amazement. Perhaps you recall the interaction later that week, still bemusing over how impressed or horrified the other person was over something so routine you could (and sometimes do) perform it in your sleep.
This experience is so ubiquitous, it proves we humans are consistently blind to our talents. Much more so than we are blind to our weaknesses or inadequacies. When we have to work hard to overcome limitations, we become quite aware of them. When we excel at things with little to no effort, we naturally don’t notice. If someone draws our attention to these proficiencies we default to deflection and deference. Sometimes we do this out of humility. Sometimes out of a dearth of self-confidence.
Often, I believe, we respond this way simply out of ignorance. We assume other people are the same as us. Since said skill or ability is so easy for us it must be easy for everyone. Therefore we don’t deserve praise for being especially gifted at something a blind-folded chicken could perform.
Of course, without realizing it, we’ve insulted everyone else who struggles with said task and now feels like they’ve been valued below a blind chicken. This sort of interaction occurs all the time. Usually we don’t even notice. One such encounter occurred to me today.
My oldest son and I were chatting up the local Pokemon shopkeeper. Most weeks, we drop in just to catch up on relevant Pokemon news and to see how plans are coming along with his shop expansion (space for live play). There are already a few shops in Boise that have live play scheduled every week and one shop in our local area outside of Boise. My oldest son voiced his doubts over whether there is a large enough community of Pokemon players to support another weekly play time at another card shop.
The shopkeep smiled and said,
“I have hundreds of customers. Most of them are just collectors. But they talk about wanting to learn how to play the game all the time. I’ve been trying to convince them to drive into Boise for months. Some of them years. They won’t do it. They’re too intimidated. They don’t know anyone there, at those shops. They know me. I talk them up. I get to know them. I make them comfortable.”
This is his superpower. Heck, my son and I go in regularly just to talk to him. He’s good at it. Sometimes we buy stuff just because we’re there, and we like him. Luckily for him, he’s been around the block enough times to know he has this ability. In addition to running a Pokemon shop, he runs a barber shop. Perhaps I should have opened with that. He’s a barber. He’s a Mexican barber, so his shop has a different flare compared to some sort of fancy spa or salon. He knows people. He knows a lot of people.
And Pokemon is a strange crowd. Lots of introverts and mentally divergent sorts. Even more so than mainstream society, this tribe tends to lack perceptive social skills. Sometimes it’s as simple as kids that don’t fit in anywhere else find themselves obsessed with a card game and the lifestyle that comes along with it. Some of them find out they are good at the card game. Real good. But conversation? Not so much. When someone comes along who knows the language, who shares the passion, and also understands how to put people at ease and integrate them into the tribe? It’s almost like finding a unicorn.
If you have the ability to smoothly interact with strange people in strange settings, you might overlook the rarity of your own abilities. Especially these days, social skills and empathy should be valued on a precision scale. People want to belong, but often they don’t know how. It’s increasingly difficult. And the fact most of the people with the skills necessary to fit in most anywhere don’t even know how rare their skills are isn’t helping.
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